that's it. i have absolutely had it with my computer. something has gone wrong every day of my vacation, i swear. today already my psp wouldn't work, so i had to restart to fix that, and then my firefox randomly switched users on me so i lost all my bookmarks. thankfully i figured out how to fix it and i got them all back, but still. something is seriously wrong. i guess my mom just emailed the computer guy we know to fix it, but i'm afraid he'll yell at me for having too much stuff. i maintain that there are zillions of people who have 3 times as much music as me and their computers function 3 times better.

so, anyway! yesterday i effed around all day. the hot tub started cooling off so i couldn't go in it. tsa called me to go bowling, but the bowling lanes were closed so she just had people over there. we made a music video, haha, and listened to music and giggled over boys like usual. i like doing that.

i should really be reading the killer angels for school, but i don't have to. i might read a little bit of it tonight, but who knows. i also managed to run today and i'm going to pilates AND i'm going to drive. it's like, way to start caring on your LAST day of vacation...

um, i think that's all. i've decided i am going to go to great lengths to get my mom to let me dye my hair red.

xoxo



25 November 2006, 11:45 AM

there are moments in life that i wish i could replicate
♪: signal home - a history of choices

oh, my god. it's been a month. i'm sorry. i really do want to keep updating this thing, because god knows i've had it long enough that i don't want it to just die.

umm... quick wrap-up of the last month (lmao), and then we'll go to last weekend, because last weekend was very, very important.

i did lights for chris's play last month. it was a really cool experience. justin had to teach me how to do everything, but i got it down. the play went really well and i didn't screw up on the actual nights that we performed.

halloween was really fun. i was a pirate and i flirted with justin and dan a lot. that's basically it. i still can't figure out if i actually like dan. i think i'm fine that he doesn't like me, but i don't want him to like anyone else either, so i just like the attention. oh, over halloween i also went to see the rocky horror show twice. dressed up once. it was pretty effing sweet. and finally a halloween show at the union room, where i saw both troy and his brother. troy was only for a little bit, but abby and i at least got to talk to him and he said it was good to see us. haha.

i've been working on bringing my grades up and i believe i have straight as now. school is hard, but i don't mind the challenge as much as some people. i guess i'm weird.

harvest was the 11th. the dance was really, really fun. i was a slut. dan and i danced a lot. i liked it. the afterparty was horrible because olivia really pisses me off sometimes. dan kind of abandoned me for her and donnelle. so i didn't have much fun, but whatever, i'm mostly over it. and i'm trying to remember the dance.

i'm so happy about the election!!! i really have faith in this country again. i can't wait till next election when i can become politically active - aka doing whatever i can to get john edwards in the white house. haha.

okay, now. last weekend.
friday night was the show i'd been looking forward to for months: signal home and speakerfire. le drool. they were both amazing, of course, as was another band, signal to noise, during which we watched all of signal home and speakerfire dance and sing along. hehe. and we got to talk to both troy and ian afterwords. and got hugs from both. i was tres happy. we went to perkins afterword and chilled, too.
we saw signal home again sunday, and even though the show sucked otherwise i was giddy all night because troy singled me out and said hi to me right before they started playing, and then stuck his tongue out playfully at me when they were leaving. squeeeeee. oh, best part, on monday i left a comment on their myspace that said something about me being very happy to see them twice over the weekend, and TROY commented me back with "we were VERY VERY happy to see you twice too" or something like that. but the VERYs were capitalized. haha. and he didn't comment anyone else back. squee.

and, uh, saturday night was the thrilling climax to the dan w situation. it honestly couldn't have been written better by a world-class novelist, haha. it's pretty hard to believe. i'll try to make it short. i went to see mrs bob cratchitt's wild christmas binge, and as chris and i were waiting dan walked in with a shaved head. his cancer relapsed. yeah. and by some stroke of luck our seats were next to each other. FREAKING WEIRD. so after i had a panic attack and dry-sobbed on chris and julia's shoulders, dan and i talked a lot, about how weird our relationship was, and finally at the end i said "you know what? we can start over, pretend i never hated you, whatever, as long as you don't expect me to worship you." the conceited asshole tells me, "i never expected you to worship me. you just did, and i had to explain it to a lot of people." so yeah, fuck him trying to turn it all around on me. i'm so proud that i never let him win this time. and yeah, i mean, we hugged goodbye and stuff when he left, and i'm just happy it's resolved.

this week i've been completely slacking off. it feels good. yesterday while babysitting i almost blacked out from nail polish fumes. pretty scary. and our hot tub is in! that's about all... haha...

RESOLUTION: I WILL START WRITING REGULARLY NOW. OKAY.

xoxo



22 October 2006, 11:11 AM

got a cardboard skeleton on my door
♪: counting crows - omaha

mmmmmm. chai made with vanilla soy milk. i seriously think i'm addicted...

anyway, my weekend, yeah? friday night was pretty freaking sweet. we went shopping after school for rah's birthday present. i got her a gift certificate from in phase. then i went to val's, this little weird music shop in the nasty downtown mall, and bought an acoustic guitar! woo! it was $69 and i'm freaking in love with it. ugh.

then emily and i watched our movies. she'd never seen garden state before and she cried a lot. and i absolutely sobbed at the end of v. it was fun. and it felt good. haha.

saturday morning i had go take PSATs. :/ basically all that sucked about it was getting up early and the fact that it was so long. but yeah, tests weren't too bad, hard-wise. afterwords we went to the pampered palate and i had, guess what?, chai. then i walked to the market house and met my mom and grandma.

we tried to go driving but we ended up running into like 6 million difficulties, including losing my permit, so we didn't get to until later. by then i wasn't even in the mood, so i just drove for half an hour, but i didn't mess up. well, one time i panicked and made a turn WAY too fast, but it was alright.

last night was sarah's birthday party. it was pretty fun. we sat around the campfire for a bit and then played games... taboo and hearts... and listened to music. i'm going to make claudia a mix cd of american music, haha. woo.

today i have to finish reading history pretty soon so i can watch the stillers and then go to the show in erie. :]

xoxo



19 October 2006, 9:06 PM

invite me to your memory
♪: rufus wainwright - hallelujah

it's time for my favorite kind of rant... a dan winston rant! wahoo! now, before i start, let's make it known that it makes me fucking sick that i care this much about him. because, yeah, hate is still caring.

so apparently he sent rachel a "present", aka a shirt and a poem, from like, "someone in baldwin hall who misses you very much"... WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, why is he buying her shit when she's NEVER been the one to fall all over him AND he still owes me $20?! and he's still trying to control stephanie's life. he tells her every time he spends the night with some random girl, and then tells her she shouldn't date jon? that's fucking abusive. it makes me sick that i devoted so much energy to adoring him like i did. a whole year, gone. giving him exactly what he wanted. i know i didn't know any better, but i really thought i was smarter than that.
i just fell so hard.
steph and i stood hugging in the middle of dance class for so long. she's such a strong and beautiful person and i admire her so much. and i'm definitely on her side.

so anyway! yeah, definitely got a d on my physics test. i'm pretty pissed about it, but it was only out of 35 points and i only missed one problem so it's not exactly the end of the world. i'm just a little sick of working my ass off studying for tests and never getting As. i miss when things just came easily and i wish i could drop every class but english.

dan was sick again today, and it happens about once a month so we think he's a girl.

ummmm tomorrow equals shopping for rah's birthday present with emily and rachel and claudia, and then em's coming over to watch v for vendetta and garden state. i'm pretty pumped. then i have to take freaking psats saturday morning. i haven't even looked at the booklet... i really need to do that asap, yeah?

:/ all i do is bitch. and swear. i'm sorry.

xoxo



18 October 2006, 9:09 PM

crash into my arms
♪: AFI - synesthesia

i'm doing this for julia! even though i'm wicked exhausted right now!

basically, i've been really really really busy. but i should really start doing this again, because i do like having a daily diary. all i need to say about life in general is that school is kicking my ass. i'm not used to having to work my butt off and then get an 85%, or something. i don't know... all i care about right now is english class, my friends, and music.

now, lots of important stuff happened this weekend so we might as well go to that, eh? friday night was the homecoming game. we lost, of course. i started to flip out during it, because i was thinking that i liked dan, and he was all over olivia and i was reminded of times when other dan and leah would go out together. i started to get the same feeling. it wasn't fun. so i was pissed. but anyway, afterwords we went to dan's house... this is me, whitney, julia and jeff. julia and i had been plotting to get him to kiss me during truth or dare. so we were working that out, and it ended up happening. not really a big deal... just short and sweet and nice, you know? whatever. he didn't care. to make a long story short he bribed me into telling him about The Plan, which was that, and it wasn't awkward or anything and i was happy. he doesn't like me, but i think it's just because he won't even look at a friend twice like that for fear that it will end up awkward. i think he's right, and that also helped me decide that i really like being single right now. well, i'm not going to lie, i'd like to find the perfect boy... i just don't want to settle for someone who will just "do", you know?

saturday was abby's birthday. woo! i went over there at like 2 (tsa and i stopped at wal mart for presents first) and we hung out and watched her get a freaking car, and then went to the signal home show in grove city. ohhhh it was so nice. TROY!!! when he first came in he came up to us and said hi, and i pretty much flipped, and we talked to him a few more times throughout the night. and told him to say happy birthday to abby during the set, and he did. :] afterwords we got sweaty hugs and i want to hug him all the time forever and always because he gives the best hugs ever. and i love signal home as a whole so much, ughhhh.

sunday leah's and my families went hiking in cleveland and to a jewish deli. and then i did lots of homework. 'twas good.

so basically i'm starting to really try to step it up to bring my grades up. i think i did pretty good on the physics today, and we had a math quiz, and THANK GOD i'd just figured out what i was doing in there. i still hate mrs willison, though. yeah. i'm sure there's more but i can't think of anything... that's why i need to start updating every day again.

xoxo