alright, so... it's been a really, really long time. i don't know why. all i know is i'm going to try to remember everything vaguely important and this will be The Longest Blog Entry Ever. okay. i'll start with yesterday and work backwards. feel free to skip over stuff.

friday, april 28
yesterday was a very, very good day. school has been tolerable. i think it's spring. i've been outside a lot. we played hopscotch in GATE, cause it was game day. :] so i got the idea to come home and lie in the hammock for awhile while listening to music. it was really nice, except that it was chilly outside (wind) so i needed a blanket. afterword my family and i went out to dinner downtown. we had a crazy ditzy waitress. haha. then i went back to rachel's and we walked down to dan's show. it's him, geoff and this nathan guy doing "the bible: the complete word of god (abridged)". i saw dan a little bit beforehand and during intermission and it was weird and i was really upset at first because i thought i'd fucked things up really badly. more about that later. but yeah... funny, funny show. and lots of half-naked, guitar-playing dan. but he was also quite crazy and scary at times. i am so shallow. during noah's ark a bunch of us got pulled up on stage to be animals. thanks dan. jon and steph were pigs; rachel and i were ducks. (they purposely chose 2 girls so they could do the 'dykes' joke... ha ha...) we were standing together and jon put his arm around me. it's nice not to have an ubercrush on him. so yeah... afterword i apologized to dan for the other night (again, more later) and i guess it was ok. logan kind of invited me to go out with them and then i kind of invited myself, so dan, leah, chris, me, and isaac and logan (sigh) went to perkins. it was the strangest experience ever. i sat in between dan and logan... i've decided i only like logan in small doses. it was like being constantly poked and leaned on and annoyed. *sigh* issac was, like... drunk. crazy. it was funny at first but then it got REALLY annoying. especially for leah and me; leah because she's related to isaac and deals with that all the time and me because i was sitting closer to them. but yeah... i missed dan so much, as usual, but this time it meant a little more to see him. and i love his spontaneous gestures and stuff. he'll randomly put his arm around me and things like that, and once we were leaning close together and talking quietly and stuff and he started, like... making out with my nose... hahaha, it sounds so weird/gross, because i can't explain it right, but it was just cute. and he kissed me on the cheek once (i tell you, i get kissed somewhere every time), and i was like, "thanks. but what was that for?" and he just shrugged (so cute) and then i kissed him back, which i'd been wanting to do. :] but that's what i love about him... we have this unspoken thing (i'm not sure what it is and i'm confused, but not in a bad way) where that kind of thing is just ok, you know? oh, and he's pretty sure he's going to college here. *dances* so anyway... it was crazy cause i was exhausted and drunk on dan, so everything was kind of surreal, and the little boys were INSANE. "in soviet russia, coffee drinks YOU!" (and the like.) so we didn't get home till like 2, and then i woke up at about 9. it's cause i'd forgotten to take my medecine and i woke up with anxiety for no reason and sleep sounded horrible. i hate that so much, especially since i WAS feeling really good. but i've taken it now and i think a nap later would be a nice idea.

wednesday, april 26 and thursday, april 27
did nada. we've had district testing in school. exhausting. dance got cancelled thursday, so i had nothing to do that day either. i've been lazily looking at AAR photobuckets, and stuff.

tuesday, april 25
LOUDER NOW!! holy shit, there aren't words to describe how good TBS make me feel. 'miami' is definitely my favorite, AND it sounds like he's saying "my annie". *giggle* i did my whole song-by-song thing in my livejournal. 'divine intervention' is so sweet, and 'i'll let you live' is a big surprise, and the begininng riff to 'what's it feel like to be a ghost?' is, like, machinehead-worthy. that's it. my dad also bought me the special edition of TAYF, with all the old videos and stuff. i'm excited.

monday, april 24
really, really bad day. my karma has been off all week, but this took the cake. i had to do a ton of homework and i needed a break, so i cancelled piano and went to swing with leah while she was waiting for dan to pick her up to take her to rehearsal. i was sort of excited because i'd been doing THAT THING again, that i used to do with adam. basically, i'll get mad at him for no reason and see if he makes an effort to fix it. the scary thing is, i have power over dan, and he's really sensitive and i actually have the power to make him feel bad. chris has told me what dan has tol dhim. so, yeah, i felt horrible for the way i'd been acting. i saw him for a little bit and it sucked cause it was like a tease. also, here's the worst part: i accidentally kicked leah's foot and my bad toenail started bleeding, REALLY badly. i was so angry and almost crying and then dan and leah were going to leave without saying bye to me and i totally bitched them out and felt horrible later (this explains last night's apology to dan). it was just a bad situation and i wish with all of my heart that none of it would have happened. except, if it hadn't, i would probably still be feeling weird about dan, because it was one of those things i had to work out myself.

saturday, april 22 - sunday, april 23
AAR AND FALL OUT BOY CONCERT!!!!! i'm referring to my livejournal to find the highlights from this one. teresa, alicia, melissa, whitney and i left town at like 10:30, stopped for lunch, got to the amphitheater at around 1. we had good spots... maybe 200 people in front of us in the line? so yeah. it rained a lot and we got really wet (and almost struck by lightning), but it was all worth it, cause we got great standing spots. the first band was called october fall. they were okay... not too exciting... their keyboardist is so cute, though. during from first to last i became absolutely starstruck over sonny moore and derek bloom, for some strange reason. and then we almost died in the pit. it was SO intense... people CONSTANTLY pushing and this one drunk guy fell crowdsurfing and almost died. it was hell. and then i had to suffer through hawthorne heights, my least favorite band ever. but at that point i was SO relieved to hear music i knew that i was goofing off to 'ohio is for lovers'. haha. oh my god... without AAR, i probably would have hated the concert. they were SO much fun and we were on nicky's side. i'm kind of madly in love/obsesed with him again. just the way he moves... so cute and hott at the same time... he always looks at the crowd and smiles and once he looked in my direction after i yelled "I LOVE YOU!!!". i'm not sure if it was at me but it made me so happy. and basically, jumping to 'move along' made my entire life. it'd been my dream ever since i heard the song for the first time. fall out boy were pretty exciting, too. pete wasn't as much of an asshole as i thought he'd be. in fact, he was pretty cool. the really bad thing was, though, that every time i started having fun someone crowdsurfed into me. it was ridiculous. there were like 20 in one song. i got so annoyed that i started shoving them and clawing them and hurting them in any way possible. i was sososososo pissed. *sigh* afterwords we were all totally dead. my ear was ringing so loud that i almost couldn't sleep, except that i was DEAD TIRED. and i couldn't walk for the next day or so. haha. we DID stand for 7 hours. and jump. but yeah... overall great experience. and we're SO doing it again for TBS/angels and airwaves/head automatica on june 27. aldkfja;iguo;igj;agj ♥

friday, april 21
last day of college enrichment. i'm so glad math is over. brandon taught some of us how to swingdance in dance, and we sat outside for philosophy. i loooove being outside. that night i went to see 'tartuffe' with leah and rah. it was SO funny. i loved it. now i've seen plays 2 weekends in a row making fun of religion. *is going to hell* but yeah, we walked down and it was raining and we went on the roof of the MCT and screamed off it a la garden state. that's two life-completing moments in one weekend. hoorah. :D

... and that's as far back as i can remember. typing with long fingernails is really hard. that took me... 47 minutes.

I PROMISE I WILL START UPDATING EVERY DAY.

xoxo



18 April 2006, 9:33 PM

stop me if you've heard this one before
♪: taking back sunday - miami

LOUDER NOW = FUCKING AMAZING. ok.

if i wait any longer, this entry will be endless. ok. libby's on thursday was fun. lots of people. i don't want to name all of them. haha. but we played lots of frisbee and badminton and outside games and stuff. and ate a lot. and then we had a campfire. i'm afraid of fire but it was fun. rachel and justin are apparently hooking up. they're cute.

friday i stayed home and did absolutely nothing. it sucked and i was bored. saturday rachel organized an ultimate frisbee game. we had a little argument about inviting dan and i cried. basically she thinks dan really upsets justin (i'm pretty sure he doesn't) and doesn't want them together, but refuses to talk to either about the situation. which basically means she'll never see dan again. *sigh* it pisses me off. she was trying to get ME to call dan. no way in hell. not my problem. so he didn't come. but frisbee was fun. i was on a team with emily and ellen, against rachel, justin and olivia. we won, but only 5-4. it was close and fun. then we went to the playground and swung and played hide and seek. i'm 99% sure dan's car was there (he has a really generic car, but the license plate began with the right letter -- i don't have the whole thing memorized, haha, i'm way past that sort of thing) but he didn't come out. (the playground we went to is behind one of hte local theater buildings.)

easter sucked. a lot. it was chaotic... my relatives are out of their minds and i'm not really religious anymore and i don't like eggs that much either. i was also really tired/depressed all day. i've felt so numb ever since i've been taking this medecine, which is supposedly non-addictive, without side effects. i don't know, maybe anxiety is my only emotion. haha. but oh well. maybe it was the fact that break was coming to an end. dinner was crazy cause my dad was playing jesus christ: superstar and POLKA. god. but i dunno. i lived.

monday i did homework like a maniac and went to rachel's for a bit. leah was back. i'd missed her. it was her, me, justin (surprise!), julia, and of course rachel and emily. we were on the trampoline for a bit and then went to swing more. 'twas fun.

today back at school wasn't sooo bad. i had a lot less work to do than i thought i did. and sometimes i need to wake up out of a daze, you know? we only have 36 days left, too. :] after school i had a dentist appointment. then i planned to listen to this album but chris called me and we talked for like an hour and a half, and then i had to eat, and then dance. OUR BALLET DANCE IS AMAZING. it's like... dance party en pointe. to prince. i had new pointe shoes so my feet don't hurt, either. poor steph is sore all over. :/ but ish cool.

i love taking back sunday. and i'll try to write more. HOLY FUCK. "i'll let you live" just came on. sup, new favorite?

xoxo



13 April 2006, 10:41 AM

i'm looking for attention
♪: the beatles - let it be

it's funny that i don't blog on days that i should. tuesday and yesterday were big days.

tuesday my mom was off (my dad's been off all week) so we went down to my grandparents' house to clean out their attic, and stuff. it was mostly boxes of books. i found my dad's copy of "return of the king" from 1975, and some old pictures. i kept a few of me when i was little, and my parents before i was born. but i also found some of my dad's first wife, and kept those, too. i don't think anyone knows i kept them. it's just sort of a link to the past that i don't want to lose. nobody will tell me anything, you know?

after that, the car had to be fixed, so my mom dropped my dad and me off at the mall while she took it. she had to take it cause she's the one that has had problems with it. anyway, i got a couple of shirts and some new headphones. this israeli woman with massage stuff stopped us for like 20 minutes at one point. i don't like salespeople. when my mom came to get us we got indian food at the food court. hahaha. it was kind of gross. i mean, it tasted good, of course, but indian food in a food court?

yesterday i woke up at like 8:30. rachel called and i ended up going there because i didn't want to call dan until about 11, and i didn't want to pace all day. so we walked. we walked over there and then down in the creek. and then i called dan... he was away at an appointment (yay for cell phones, eh?) and was going to call us back when he got home. this was at 11. we waited till like 2:30. practically the longest 3 hours of my life, i swear to you. i HATE waiting! so yeah... we went to my house at 3-ish... watched 'hitchhiker's'. i'm not sure he liked it cause he's read the book. and then random scenes of garden state and lotr until he had to leave at 6:30 (rehearsal). he's kissed me somewhere the last 4 times i've seen him. i've kept track. and i got an email from him later that night... he might go to college here in town. i didn't even know that was an option. holy fucking shit. i would KILL... haha, strange. i'd kill to be able to live next year.

after he left rach and i were outside for awhile, and then it started to storm. we watched the beginning and ran around and stuff and didn't get struck by lightning or anything. haha. but i did get some good pictures. :] she left for dinner soon after and i ate.

then tsa called and i went over there to meet her, whitney, julia, alicia, and melissa. they'd been at perkins but i couldn't go cause of rach and dan. so i went over there later... they made me wear a dress and they were all in dresses! because we were watching pride and prejudice. hahaha. anyway, i looooved it soooooo much. mr. darcy is just perfect and the ending was pretty much the most romantic thing i've ever seen. ♥ ♥ ♥ i want to buy it.

today i'm going to libby's for some... fun in the sun? it's going to be about 70. :] i REALLY don't want spring break to be over. i can't wait for summer now. fo' real.

xoxo



10 April 2006, 6:05 PM

it's not that i don't trust you; i just know what you've been up to
♪: arctic monkeys - a certain romance

i'm sleeeeepy. but i don't know why. i slept a lot.

yesterday i kind of laid around all day until leah's family came over for dinner. we had indian and lots of desserts. 'twas good. leah drove and backed in our driveway and it took her forever to park and i laughed at her a lot. haha. she had to leave early to do sound for the history of the bible thing, so i went to rachel's to watch movies. leah planned to come when rehearsal was done. so rachel was finishing watching 'something wicked this way comes' when i got there. i only saw the last 15 minutes but it was so creepy and i hated it. then we watched 'garden state'.

we had about 10 minutes left when they breaked for dinner (yes, at 9pm) and dan dropped leah off. we made dan come in and we were stalling time so he wouldn't leave and stuff. at one point we were ALMOST going to go see 'v for vendetta' but it was like 9:20 and rachel's parents weren't going to let her go, and we didn't want to go without rachel. oh well. we ARE going to go sometime, though. so yeah... watched the last 10 minutes of garden state (which was HEAVEN... being with him again and watching it... the two things that can make me happy unconditionally, TOGETHER), and then leah, dan and i cleared out. when he drove me home we just sat talking in my driveway for awhile. it was so nice. i'm calling him wednesday and we're doing movies, i think. i still owe him hitchhiker's.

today i woke up at 8:30 and ate breakfast, but then i went back to bed and slept until about 11, when i had a piano lesson. then i went to justin's with rachel, olivia and chris. justin had to film stuff but really only olivia could help cause only she was allowed to work the camera. so we watched. and ate pizza. and then we sat outside for awhile cause it was nice. yay.

tomorrow i'm going to my grandparents' house and shopping. it'll be fun, but i wish tomorrow was wednesday... *le sigh*

xoxo



09 April 2006, 12:25 PM

she's nothing but porcelain underneath her skin
♪: taking back sunday - makedamnsure

soooo new layout, finally. i really like it, except that you have to scroll a lot in order to read an entry. but oh well. it's fun and pretty, right? i love blue and gray right now. pretty much all of my layouts for the past... 4 months... have been blue and gray. yeah.

yesterday i did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING until the play. i'd say it went just as well last night as it did the first night, only i wasn't quite so nervous. nobody messed up, and we got lots of compliments and things. it was so exciting... lots of people i know in like the 4th row again! haha. i saw alicia and melissa, and mikayla and the sarahs, and whitney came again with amber, and heather and lisa and misty and a lot of people. and amanda i came back from north carolina, which was fun. i wish we could've taken them all out to perkins, but we didn't really go to perkins at all. haha.

afterwords we stayed for strike, which took like 20 minutes. haha. we had like NO set. we gave shill a signed rake and pillow and lots of chocolate, cause she gave up chocolate for lent. hahaha. and we sat around and ate pizza and drank pepsi and mountain dew and stuff. i got canadan to dance. 'twas fun.

and that's about it. i absolutely loved the experience of my first play and everything having to do with it. i'd do it again in a heartbeat, and probably will. :]

today leah's family's coming over for indian food and the masters (golf tournament, kiddos). i'm excited because i like being social. and i believe i get to go to justin's tomorrow. yay. :]

i just heard scary music on the tv and JAWS 2 is on!!!

xoxo