wooooo! so here's what's up... i've had dress rehearsal for the play all week, and lots of homework, and stuff. it's been so great. i don't know what to say about this week other than exhaustion and crazy rehearsal schedules. but last night was opening night!!

it's really great... i actually feel like i belong somewhere. i was the only one in the cast who had never done a play and i fit right in. circle was great... the connection between all of us was great... and our show was pretty much the best we'd ever done it. i was so proud. being backstage is just the best rush... everyone's nervous, but in an excited way, and there are so many "break a leg"s and "you're gonna be amazing"s and... yeah. wow. so we pretty much rocked it. nobody really messed up any lines or blocking and i felt really in character. a bunch of people told me i did well and i was SO PROUD. :]

like ALL of my friends were there afterword. i don't know who's going to show up tonight. haha. but the crowd was a LOT more full than i thought it was. dan came, like i told him to. hooray. we all went to perkins afterword. i got a picture of the dans and maple syrup. HA! i love being with (my, not cana-) dan... because he's actually all over ME, and it makes me feel special. *heart* there is so much i could talk about... but yeah, sooo many people were there that i can't even name them all. i believe at our round table were me, dan, teresa, julia, jeff, whitney, rachel, justin and leah. chris, olivia, canadan and donnelle sometimes came to see us.

on the drive home (dan driving me and leah) 'swing life away' came on on dan's ipod and we all sang along. it was amazing. "and in that moment, i swear we were infinite." and then 'swing swing' (but only dan and i knew the words to that) and... yeah... i missed him. i hadn't really seen him in a fucking month, you know that? *in love*

and we get to do it tonight... AND THEN IT'S SPRING BREAK!!!! :D :D :D life is good.

xoxo



02 April 2006, 9:05 PM

don't let me get carried away
♪: counting crows - american girls

ohhhh, i felt so good for 85% of this weekend. which is really amazing, because my last two weekends have been horrendous. friday at enrichment was really great. classes weren't too bad, and the campus was beautiful and i got to walk around on it a lot.

that night julia had a little party thing... me, tsa, whitney, justin, canadan, chris, and of course julia and jeff. we played her equivolent of DDR and went in the hot tub and played cranium and stuff. good times. canadan hits on me a lot. *never going there* i was upset for a bit cause dan and leah went to a movie. i get jealous easily. so my night was almost ruined but i put it aside for the most part. and more about that later...

saturday morning i went out to breakfast with my mom and grandma, and to get my new pointe shoes. i got the idea to call dan to watch a movie, since i've owed him a viewing of 'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' for FOREVER, and we'd talked about doing something this weekend. but rachel was away and i didn't want it to be just me and dan alone in the house, so i called leah too. turns out he took her out to the movie as her birthday present. made me feel a lot better. just, at first i was like, "wtf, he and i were almost going to do something that night." but it's ok. especially since when i called him he said he'd take me to see v for vendetta. :] so yeah... steph had called him a few minutes earlier and they were doing something, so we couldn't. but ish okay. we talked for a bit and no awkwardness, which is saying something for a phone conversation with me. i heart him.

leah came over anyway. we made a dance mix cd and fooled around with her camera and played board games until her family came over for dinner. pizza. it was originally going to be indian but we got too lazy to cook. but pizza is great. especially pizza from mars. then we watched some basketball, but the games were boring (i was cheering for UCLA anyway, but i'm sad george mason lost... i almost always root for the underdog... ) so they left. and i finished 'the perks of being a wallflower', and cried for about the last 20 pages. i think it changed my life a little.

today i watched the end of 'girl, interrupted' and all of 'fight club'. fight club is now in my top 5 all-time favorite movies. i'm going to buy it. amazingamazingamazing. i want to start reading chuck palahniuk now. yep.

then later i went to rachel's with leah and rah for a dance party on the trampoline. amazing pictures and soooo much fun. we were in skirts. i'm soooo glad it's spring. :D at the end of this week comes spring break, YAY!

xoxo



30 March 2006, 9:07 PM

every day is a new day
♪: bush - old

sometimes, there are people in your life that you can always count on to make things a whole lot better. even if it's just a quick meaningless chat, or the right kind of smile or touch. these events are especially meaningful when you've been sick with worry about said person, or missing said person so much you sometimes physically ache.

basically, i love dan. but i'm assuming everyone reading this knew that already.

more about that later.

today was really really good. it was a whole 66 degrees outside at one point. a whole bunch of people wore long skirts and we looked pretty. emily and i ate lunch outside and it was theraputic. sunshine... after school we were waiting for rehearsal... this is me, olivia, canadan, rachel, teresa and justin, and chris came later... and we were all outside in the courtyard just enjoying the sun. it became national flirt with annie day. fun stuff. but i think rachel was jealous... no, not like that. she likes justin. duh. jon showed up at one point and i talked to him a bit. i'm glad he's back down to earth. i have a little crush on him still, but i think it's only there when he's there. know what i mean?

rehearsal went well until i screwed up and missed my cue and announced loudly, "oh! i missed my cue! sorry!" that'd be okay for when it wasn't official dress rehearsal... but nooo... and then i couldn't put my shoes on in time. but it'll all be okay. we all have costumes and everything.

i came home for dinner and then i went to dance. i officially have dantuition because i knew i was going to see him. he, geoff and someone else are doing more rehearsals. so i got to talk to him a bit, while i was waiting for the rest of my class to show up. he said he'd walk me upstairs, and when everyone else got there i asked why he wasn't coming with us, and he said, "i said i'd walk YOU." so i went back and took his arm and he walked me upstairs. and he didn't want to leave. so he didn't for awhile. and it was really good. and i was distracted the entire time in dance because i was out in the hall working on my solo but i could hear his voice. and i'm so glad i'm not afraid to talk about these things now. eff it, it's my blog. :]

tomorrow i get to go to enrichment and it's supposed to be in the 70s and raining. good stuff. unless anyone calls me tomorrow night i'm probably going to stay home and watch a movie. it'll be fun.

xoxo



29 March 2006, 8:36 PM

and i knew that you meant it
♪: brand new - am i wrong

yeah, i'm okay. time is good stuff. so are phone conversations. although, i believe my last blog was post-phone conversation. anyway.

i did nothing on monday when i stayed home. i took a walk. that's all. no GATE project or english homework, which was a really bad idea, cause i had to work my ass off on tuesday and today. grades closed today. i've been working really hard to bring my chemistry and geometry grades up to As, and i'm hoping i got one or the other. i have an A in GATE now, but only cause i worked for 3 hours on my project yesterday, and sacrificed both my study halls today. oh well... it wasn't too bad. although i'm pretty sick of shakespeare, and i'm going to wait a bit before i read 'the tempest'.

last night in dance i tried to do pointe but my toe got all numb and i think i'm going to lose my toenail after all. it's only loose in this one weird part. i won't go into any more detail.

i came back to rehearsal today and it was all... WHOA! professional! costumes and lighting and everything. and chris said i hadn't missed anything on monday... *rolls eyes* but hanging out with absolutely everyone is great. canadan is getting more social, donnelle is just fun, and justin is a sweetheart. and rachel's at every rehearsal now. :] so yeah... pretty soon i have to go and try on clothes that i can wear for my costume.

my song just changed to 'spin, tremble, breathe' (for about the 4th time tonight) and... goddddd. i mentioned something to rachel about asking dan if he wanted to watch garden state with us friday night. at this point i would pretty much kill for that to work out. if you ever want to know exactly what it means to need someone, i'd be more than happy to help define it for you. i've got plenty of personal experience.

i started reading 'the perks of being a wallflower'. i'm only about halfway through, and it's already my favorite book that i've ever read. everything he says, it's like exactly what i'm thinking, only he says it better. bible much? yeah, i don't know why i didn't read it sooner. *is in love*

xoxo



26 March 2006, 6:49 PM

i can't do anything except be in love with you
♪: jack's mannequin - the mixed tape

disclaimer: i have no choice but to be incredibly cryptic for most of this. i'm sorry. i hate to bring it up at all, but i need to say something, and this is the most i can.

it's amazing how fast your life can change.
this is a period where i'm not bothering with day-to-day events at all. everything is so meaningless. i'm not depressed, per se; i'm just looking at everything on a bigger perspective. 1984 made me really look at the way the world works. i'm pissed off at the general sense of apathy in society. i've been worried as hell about the person i love more than anything, and for good reason, and it's completely beyond my control. i talked to him and he made everything seem fine, as usual, but he doesn't always have to be so strong. i want to do something to help so freaking badly. he's honestly my rock. i can't think of any other way to say it. i love him so much. i know everything's going to be fine (and i'm sooooo thankful i got to hear him say that), but it doesn't make what's happened any easier.

so yeah, the past week was difficult, because of PMSing and me hating the world. but i got through it. i hopefully brought my chem and geometry grades up. we're off-book for the play and i know my lines, and everything. i can't remember anything else. i'm literally crawling from day to day.

friday night i went to see 'boys next door' with rachel and leah. it was hilarious and touching at the same time. i loved it. we went on the swings afterword and i felt the best i had in a long time.

i spent basically the entire weekend with rachel, whether it was in person or on the phone. she really helped me a lot. it just sucks to randomly burst out crying and have this thing on your mind constantly. but everything's okay now.

i'm pretty sure i'm skipping school tomorow. i have bad cramps, i didn't sleep last night, and i just kind of need a mental health day. and my dad's off. and i won't miss too much.

xoxo