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December 24, 2002, 6:49 p.m.

and you say take this.
♪: Walking away. It's not the same as running. Is it to you know that you've run in this ground. And you say take this. This medicine is just what you deserve. Swallow, choke, and die. And this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth. One that's void of all discretion, such an awful tearing sound. With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare glaring over you and over you, this feeling of despair is never wearing out. It's wearing off and it's leaving you with such a heavy heart and a head to match. The bottle is waiting the cap is twisted begging to be used and so are you.

i feel like crying
and i don't know why.
tomorrow is christmas.
i should be happy
right?
i started thinking about the adam/chad situation.
again.
it's not fair.
it has to haunt me all the time
in the back of my mind
even when i'm in the best of moods.
i want to go back to chad.
he's so much better.
so much better.
but there's just something about adam...
that makes me want to keep coming back.
'you caught the light again in a perfect way',
eh?

i probably won't be able
to write tomorrow.
happy christmas everyone.
peace.